Comfort Zone

Nothing earthshaking here today. I ran errands and did some cooking. However, I did have a realization about myself which I think is a little bit interesting. It's nothing I didn't already know, but it just crystallized in my brain as I was driving down the street this morning. My primary comfort zone is behind the wheel of my car! I am NOT as comfortable in the passenger seat. I am NOT as comfortable on my cozy couch at home. I am NOT even as comfortable in my desk chair in my office, despite spending a ton of time there. I'm NOT even as comfortable in my own bed at night.


I feel totally at home while driving down a city street, driving down a country road, driving through a neighborhood... driving anywhere. Except for the Dan Ryan Expressway in Chicago, I'm even ok with interstates these days. I feel more alive when I'm driving and LIFE is passing me on all sides. I often find myself taking the long route to wherever I'm going. In a car, I'm in charge and can go where I want. And since I've been spending 12 hours a week in a dialysis chair at the hospital, I have really learned the meaning of impatience. My technician teases me about how everyone else falls asleep for the entire sessions, and meanwhile I'm wiggling and stretching and moving around (as much as possible when lying in a reclining chair with two arms out of commission). When I'm in that chair, all I can think about are all the places I could be driving. My car acts as a magnet for me. It's no wonder that my gasoline bills are astronomical and my guilt about carbon emissions is astronomical as well. But I won't stop driving. Technically, the dialysis treatments are keeping me alive. But in reality, I'm sure it's my ability to be on the open road that's really doing the trick.


Sorry about this disjointed rambling entry. I'm just thinking out loud.....